Divorce is an emotionally difficult process. Many times people are grappling with ambivalent emotions and things can get confusing. A therapist or a coach can help provide some insights and understanding, helping you make better and more informed decisions concerning you and your children.

Keep an eye on the family finances. Make sure there are no large expenditures. Don’t sign any important financial documents, at least without a complete understanding of their implication. Often, people are worried about copying documents. While that is helpful and may save money down the road, it is not necessary as we are entitled to get copies of documents from your spouse as necessary throughout the proceeding.

While we are a no fault state, and the Court will not consider fault or conduct as it relates to the financial issues in the case, new relationships are distracting. People often make poor decisions because of a “new love affair.” No major decisions should be made, either financially or romantically, until one year after the divorce is concluded.

Don’t make any large purchases if a divorce is imminent. Cash is king. You should not acquire any large purchases that put strain on your cash flow or resources. Remember, the family will be separating and two households will need to be supported on the same resources that formerly supported one. It is not a good time to acquire any large assets.

Knowledge is power. Read books on the process and try to understand some of the legal and emotional repercussions from divorce. You can avoid many mistakes through education and a realistic expectation.

Be careful not to make your children allies in the process. Often, people derive comfort from their children’s validation of their problems with the other parent. Children need a good relationship with both parents and if they become soldiers in the war, they will be casualties. Promote the other parent wherever possible and insist on the children maintaining a good relationship with both of you.

Ordinarily, most couples file joint tax returns. Be advised that if your spouse is committing tax fraud or any other improprieties by not disclosing their income, you will potentially subject yourself to liability with the Internal Revenue Service if you file a joint return If you have questions about these implications, you speak with a CPA.

Sometimes people become so afraid of the future, they literally become paralyzed. We can usually overcome any obstacles if we have a clear-eyed view and understanding of them. If divorce is necessary and would be beneficial, avoiding it because of fear is a mistake. Life will go on.

A consultation with a qualified divorce lawyer is an invaluable resource. This may be the most important meeting you have in your life as it can help set a tone for you and your children’s future. By the way, the information you will receive at a free consultation is worth what you pay for it. Attorneys that don’t value their time do not take themselves seriously. Divorce is incredibly complicated, involving financial future and the future of your children. Finding the cheapest lawyer you can does not make sense.

Watch your diet; get plenty of sleep and exercise. The process will go much better if you are feeling physically fit.

A journal is a personal diary that will record information we might need to access later in the proceeding. Be careful about leaving it lying around. I guarantee your spouse will take the journal if he or she finds it. Also, beware of digital journals if your spouse has access to your computer. Salient information to be recorded include:

• Anything unusual or uncharacteristic regarding your spouse’s treatment of the children;
• Curious statements made about finances or otherwise by your spouse;
• Anything else you think might be relevant or helpful to your lawyer.

Don’t get paranoid, but there are a number of resources for a spouse who likes to spy. Spyware allows a spouse to track the websites you visit, or other information you access. If you have a password or if your email is password protected, make sure you get a new password. Better yet, get a new email address through a different provider so that your spouse cannot access your email and you can maintain your privacy. If you have any doubts, you can have a computer professional check your computer for any interference. While phone tapping is illegal, sneaky spouses will resort to it. Secret video recording is done as well. Be circumspect in what you say or do just in case.